To me, my Attention-Deficit / Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and my ability to write code are irrevocably linked. I had suspected I had ADHD for yea...
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I was formally diagnosed way back in the early 1970's when I was a kid. Many of the issues listed here I have dealt with for decades though my memory is the opposite: I remember everything, sometimes down to the minutest detail which often annoyed friends when I could recall details of things they hoped were forgotten.
These days I have two cups of strong coffee to give me some focus time. When I am on a roll, I can crank out code by the page. But I do have issues with fidgeting/restlessness as well as impatience/frustration. I used to work for a Fortune 10 company and I disdained periodic department meetings with a passion. Drove me crazy listening to status reports being reported at a pace much slower than I could easily comprehend and then having to go back and pick up where I left off before the meeting. Thankfully, due to productivity issues and the ever increasing demand for more revenue, meetings became less frequent as they were viewed by upper management as a waste of "valuable" time.
I feel that. Please don't ask how many times I fell asleep in meetings about sales numbers. 😬
it's like I am reading about myself. eerie.
Nice serie.
May I ask how you got your formal diagnosis? Where did you get tested?
Actually I don't know if I want to know for sure but sometimes I wonder about my brain as well. I don't think I have deficit but definitely hyperactivity.. (and for sure I could keep reading or thinking about something for hours forgetting everything else, if the thing caught my attention, or I would struggle reading 2 lines if I just don't care..)
Also I am wondering how knowing that would be helpful. What did change in your perception of yourself and in how you behave after you got the diagnosis?
Hey Davide,
For people in the U.S., I have a Twitter thread on finding a therapist. To get tested and prescribed medication, I went to a psychiatrist who specializes in ADHD. I found the psychiatrist the same way I would find a therapist, and if you're already seeing a therapist, they can also help get you started with the diagnosis process.
The testing started with this questionnaire, then I talked to the psychiatrist, and then I took a test where I had to do a boring task for 20 minutes while being recorded. What still cracks me up is because I knew it was a test, I was trying really hard to sit still and thought I would get a score that wouldn't indicate I was hyperactive. I still scored in the 99th percentile for hyperactivity.
I agree "attention deficit" doesn't really fit, and experience the same thing - no trouble reading if I like the topic, and lots of trouble reading if I don't care. Ultimately, what empowered me to go through the diagnosis process was the ADHD memes and threads on Twitter. They gave me the language to use to describe the patterns of symptoms throughout my life, and when I laid it out like that, the psychiatrist said the 20 minute test was basically a formality. It wasn't just what I could focus on, it was also sensitivity to criticism and others' emotions, the inability to get myself up off the couch sometimes, that the adult tasks that required a little bit every day seemed impossible, and more.
A diagnosis changed a lot of things for me. I had been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder when I was really struggling with wedding planning (aka managing a lot of details, people, and events). When I started asking myself if I was anxious or if I needed to move around, most of my anxiety went away. The rest disappeared when I stopped expecting myself to be as productive as neurotypicals, gave myself the freedom to fidget, and started expecting myself to forget everything if I didn't write it down. The diagnosis also gave me tools - medication prescribed by the psychiatrist, resources I'll be listing in the rest of the series, and more. I've been able to unpack a lot of shame and focus on functioning rather than unrealistic expectations of myself.
It turns out many women are diagnosed late in life because the diagnostic criteria in the U.S. for ADHD describes what annoys teachers and parents about white boys with ADHD. Mental healthcare providers in the U.S. also get very little training on ADHD and there is a lack of research and still quite a bit of stigma. My mother in law was told many years ago by a specialist that my husband could not have ADHD because his teachers liked him (false). I still often get reactions like "but you did well in school!" even though many of my teachers would tell you I could have done better and they were letting me draw in class because it was the only way I could focus.
I hope this explanation helps!
Thanks Abbey for your very detailed reply. I was very interested because I normally hear about kids being diagnosed while at school, or adults that were diagnosed when they were young and it seemed to me that, unless you are maybe already visiting a therapist, it's kinda hard to get diagnosed.
will try out the questionnaire.
looking forward to your next posts
I've been training to become a react dev (up to now I've done more project management) and found that I easily forget what I was originally working on and end up some 6 levels deep.
For my first app, I made a desktop widget that helps me remember what my top level goal was so I can refocus easily / without brain grind.
in case anyone else would find it helpful, here is a link (it's free + open source)
pragmaflow.notion.site/FocusS-App-...
This seemed like an interesting app, I tried to download it but no luck is this project still active?
it is. can you be specific about 'no luck' it seems to be downloadable.
I have been suspecting I have some form of ADHD for some years now. So many hobbies and wanna do projects, inability to focus on one thing, that a 1 hour video could take me 2.5 hours to finish because of distractions and lost focus.
This is great read, especially from another developer. Thanks
This is superb, apt and so spot on, you rightly spilled it.
Thanks for being so vulnerable to share these lifelong lessons from this experience.
yes bold, and comforting for everyone else!
WOW! This speaks right out of my heart. I've the exact same problems and wondering where to get tested and how to get help now. Looking forward to read the rest. At least I feel very relatable as of now
Every time I read something about ADHD, I feel I have it. Still trying to figure it out if I do.
Hi! I really feel this post is a great find for me, thank you for your time and effort.
I have been struggling with my own discovery this past year. It was a revelation to recognize that these difficulties went beyond my "supposed incompetence" or my "lack of discipline", I look forward to the next posts ♥
Hola! realmente siento que este post es un gran hallazgo para mi, gracias por tu tiempo y esfuerzo.
He estado luchando con mi propio descubrimiento este último año. Fue una revelación reconocer que estas dificultades iban más allá de mi "supuesta incompetencia" o mi "falta de disciplina", espero los próximos post ♥
Thanks for writing and sharing this, Abbey! 💙
Through info and stories from my friends with ADHD, I see similar symptoms in me. Especially now after reading this post.
I'm quite sure that I have ADHD, although I don't know how severe it is.
It's not easy to get tested here. We have to go to GP first before they decide if we should see psychologists. Most of the times, they won't send us there except if we also have regular physical complains.
Oh Ayu, I'm so sorry to hear about the diagnosis process. You're not alone! You can always reach out to me, Bekah, Dan, and the rest of the VC neurodiverse crew 💙💙💙💙💙
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 13 years old and was send to a boarding school "to learn how to function". Because I had no one I my life to help me understand my ADHD.
I am now 30 years old and ended op in programmering 5 years ago, and I finally feel that I have found something I could do for the rest of my life.
Yes, I can relate to many of the topics in this article and I kinda wish that I had this back when I was younger.
Abbey, I don't think I can heart this enough times.
ADHD can be such a blocker when you want to get some work done.
I really love that series. Thank you!
I read part 2 first and them came to read part 1 because .... "get out of my head" was all I could say.
Thank you for this. I appreciate you.
Whoa. I thought I might be the only one or something... amazing series!
Thanks for sharing.
I can relate to everything in here, it's exactly what I was looking for. I've had this post bookmarked for months but only now I managed to start it, and I'll probably read the whole series in one go. Thank you for giving me some direction.
Dude yes thank you! This is exactly how I feel. I was diagnosed when i was in my teens but my mom was very anti-doctor and so I sort of had a hard time fitting in well into society. I always felt fairly intelligent but always felt like I fell short on things. My life has been chaos - when I started coding I was instantly hooked. I must know how the thing does the thing. It's exciting. I've found something that holds my attention long enough to be productive and magical things have happened because of it. So then, being re-diagnosed as an adult and finding literally the perfect outlet (learning to code) I am doing SO MUCH better mentally. Most of my feelings of being lost in life have all but dissipated. I used to think I was this wild crazy extrovert with nothing real to grasp onto. But I have found peace and sanity in the actual act of coding.
I always thought coding was for the elite. Turns out you just have to like it. I also take coding challenges way too seriously. I try to remember that it's just for learning. It's a little rough when you sink your heart into something and it's not a winner. I totally feel that. Sometimes when I am talking about code I get too many questions at once and I'm not sure if my communication is effective. XD Definitely awkward! haha.
Thank you for sharing.
Hello Abbey,
I'm also a diagnosed ADHD dev.
Today, I argued with some colleagues who does not understand that Gitmojis are useful to me. Then I was looking for clear explanations to give to them, I found your posts.
Thanks for them.
And I totally agree with you.
I would add something you did not mentioned in the challenges we face :
I realised that I'm quite disabled on reading code and logs, -compared with non ADHD colleagues-.
Do you have the same feeling of "reading" challenge ?
Hey, nice post!
I know it's been a while since this was uploaded, but I wanted to let you know you made a cameo in a schoolproject I made!
Could you elaborate on what you meant by this,please?
Plus, sustaining attention gets even harder with tasks that don't interest us or we have historically failed at doing. Math is both for me.
I can relate to this a lot! I'd like to discuss a bit more on this please, if it's not too much of a problem. How can I contact you?
Wow, I feel like I could write the same describing my brain !!!
Hi,
Great series BTW. I wonder about your monitor set up. Do you use more than 1 monitors? Does more monitors make you more productive or less?
Greate.
i feel like i wrote this.
i almost cant focus to start coding or any other things,but in 0.01% of time when i finally focus on doing things,I will done that job in best way.