Did you know that the whole "boys don't cry" / "men don't have feelings" adage is just 200 years old? It appeared only in the early 1800s. For thousands of years before that, things like manly tears were a social norm.
Let's talk about feelings.
I often ask about feelings: "How do you feel about this?", "Any feelings to share?", "How does it feel when we do this?" I intentionally use the language of feelings, because this way I can learn more than through thoughts and opinions.
Our brains do a good job of storing memories but are not so good at retrieving them. Consciousness gives access to recent memories and some bright events from the past. I'm sure you were in a situation when you knew something, but you just couldn't remember it in the moment.
Emotions come from the whole body of our experience, whether you are asking for it or not. Also, they emerge very quickly, faster than we realize.
E.g. someone mentions a risky deployment before Christmas vacation - and you immediately feel anxious. You go through a particularly unreadable piece of code - and you can feel almost physical discomfort. You haven't even formulated yet what is wrong, but you can name the feeling.
It's like a superpower - your brain throws an immediate answer to any question, but the tricky part is deciphering it. If it's anxiety - what makes you anxious? If it's a feeling of satisfaction - what contributes to that?
Tapping into feelings requires some ground work.
You need to create an environment where having feelings is safe.
You need to understand your own emotions and be able to expose them in a safe manner.
You need to show your vulnerability.
You need to have the emotional intelligence to accept others' feelings.
The reward is immense. People can be their true selves and get more fulfillment from work. You also build trust and accelerate communication by dropping formalities. You get access to a deeper level of others' expertise.
There are no useless feelings: fear, uncertainty, anger, annoyance are as crucial as joy, peacefulness, confidence, support. Each emotion is your brain helping you to survive. If you want to get 100% from your team - listen to their feelings.
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