Well, I found myself in the same spot only four months forward in time. I did not pass my Sinatra project the first time, nor the second. So, I was gratefully granted a second chance (or third chance) to prove myself. I switched into a different cohort to redo Sinatra and also I switched from full-time to part-time. It was, and still is, frustrating. It was, and still is, daunting.
These two major changes scared me. I was nervous to make the same mistakes. I was doubtful of myself and my abilities, to be blunt. So, I knew I had to look back and reconsider everything.
During my first attempt at the Sinatra CRUD-MVC project, I was totally fixated on the notion that I had to ~appear~ to know everything. I was convinced that everything had to be perfect, and nothing less would be tolerated. As we know, and I now know, these are not feasible standards for any sort of endeavor.
Realistically, I did not know everything and nothing was perfect. I was not comfortable with the curriculum back in October (I now know). I seemed to skate through the motions of a working Sinatra project. I relied on a lot of guesswork and quick answers. It is hard to admit when you need help or that you need more time to learn what others can learn in a month. Learning for me takes time. I became aware this time around that I learn most effectively at a slower pace and with the reiteration of the good ol' basics.
So, I started at the beginning. What can I relearn? EVERYTHING. I combed through SQL: what is a table? what is a row? how do these things reflect in an application? I asked myself what is the functionality of ActiveRecord: wait, what even is ActiveRecord? If I had to describe a 'route' to a younger version of myself, what would I say and how would I say it? I pored over key Sinatra concepts and asked where do I personally see this in the real world? Consistently and redundantly, I tried to relearn all of Phase 2. It was difficult, but definitely worth it.
I realize now what confidence I had the first time around is nothing in comparison to how I currently feel. I may look back in another four months and experience a whole different set of feelings. I may not. However, I do know that the "failure" of Sinatra the first time was very scary but now, I think of my second chance as both a comfort and a redemption in adjacence to the fear.
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