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I Don't Know How To Take Compliments

Jason Steinhauser on October 23, 2018

Today was a good day. My wife complimented me in my new shirt and pants (totally rocking some floral print), I helped a coworker with design on a d...
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Kasey Speakman • Edited

It used to be impossible for me to take a compliment. I would always try to point out something I did wrong or could have done better to invalidate it. However, eventually I realized that the compliment (especially thanks) is a not an evaluation of me. It is an expression of the person's feeling at that moment. I might not deem my contribution worthy, but it is nonetheless their expression. From that perspective, I don't want to stifle them by trying to invalidate it. So nowadays I respond with a positive affirmation.

P.S. I just noticed you are in HSV too. πŸ‘‹

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Jason Steinhauser

Another 256-er! 🍻

I think may be an effective strategy, to remember that their thanks is an expression of someone else's feelings. I'll have to give it a serious try. Thanks!

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Kasey Speakman

What are the odds, and both F# devs too.

Thanks!

πŸ˜‚

Anytime!

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Jason Steinhauser

Oh, nice! I only know one other F# developer in town from HuntFunc, the functional programmers monthly lunch and learn. There's not many of us in town surprisingly

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Kasey Speakman

Ah, cool. I'll have to check that out. I work in Decatur at the moment (live in Huntsville), so lunch would be difficult to make. But if it's open to visitors, I will drop by when I get a chance.

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Jason Steinhauser

We're definitely open to whoever wants to join us. I'll PM you more details

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The YorkiBar Kid

It depends where the compliment comes from. If it's from a complete utter incompetent member of the team, I'm somewhat insulted; However if I get a complement from a member of the team that greatly admire and respect, then bring it on... I've matched their high expectations.

I give compliments all the time especially to junior members of my team as they can sometimes feel overwhelmed with the project that we're working on.

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Jason Steinhauser

I try to compliment the junior and mid-level devs as much as possible, and help them out with whichever issues they're struggling through. I don't mind sincere compliments, even from team members that are sub-par; that means that they're respectful and possibly learning.

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smuschel • Edited

For me, it's harder to accept a compliment or a thank you when it's for something I enjoyed doing. And if people thank me for almost everything it starts losing its value. But nonetheless solving a problem like the role-thing you mentioned is worth something to the person you've helped. Even if you only did a part of the job.
I've once been told that you have to be able to endure criticism, but you also have to be able to endure praise/compliments.
Also:in any social interaction, small things make a difference (for example on Sysadmin day I thank my sysadmin which usually puts a smile on his face)

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Jason Steinhauser

I wasn't aware there was a Sysadmin day. I'll have to take the time to thank ours next year!

You're absolutely right about enduring praise; I can take substantial criticism, but I'll have to work on accepting kind words as well.

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Chad Smith

For me it depends who gave the compliment. If it's my boss or someone higher up I take it and feel great but just say "it's no problem at all. It's what I'm supposed to do."

With other co-workers we tend to have a running "joke" through the office and meme where we call each other "experts" in different areas. So if I help them out with a certain area and they thank me I joke around with them by saying "of course, cause I'm the such-and-such expert. Keeps it light but we know they are accepting it.

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Jason Steinhauser

It's definitely worth trying, at least once, with the right coworkers. I may give it a try!

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Andrew (he/him)

I think it's normal for anyone who's not a gigantic narcissist to have some difficulty accepting compliments. I would find it odd if I weren't embarrassed, at least a tiny bit, by things like that.

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Chad Smith

We actually tend to have something similar around our office and making a "joke" with a compliment