For years, I struggled with overthinking my career to the point that I got paralyzed and could not do anything at all. I was depressed and anxious ...
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Started writing this comment yesterday when my internet died, haha...
Just to say, this was such a great read!
I definitely related to the bit you said here about perfectionism:
I totally feel you on these obstacles!
On a similar note, I've had fear of failure hold me back from even starting something that I was passionate about... for instance, it took me until age 30 to start singing. Prior to that, I played guitar but never really sang. I maybe tried a time or two, but quickly gave up when I didn't get it. It felt embarrassing to fail at, even if I was just in a room with myself, haha. But of course I was failing, I barely gave it a chance. At some point, I said to myself, this is something you wanna do, you gotta practice, and so did. Eventually, I found a group of folks that would let me sing with them (which was another hurdle to jump over) now it's one of my favorite things.
I think there's a relation here to what you're talking about... Learning in public can feel scary because you're putting yourself out there when you don't totally have everything figured out. Doing it takes courage but it can be so rewarding to progress with the help and encouragement of others!
Anyway, here's to building confidence and not letting perfectionism (or fear of failure!) stop anyone from pursuing their goals! 🙌
This is such a thoughtful reply!! Thank you so much 🥹
I'm really glad to hear about how you finally started singing! What an inspiring story, especially because overcoming the fear of failure to pursue a passion is something I deeply connect with. Even writing this article wouldn't be possible without the support and encouragement I have from other people to be more vulnerable.
I know how fear acts as a protector for our safety but oh does it limit us! Acknowledging--even thanking it for protecting us--is a first step to overcome this. But the next step, objectively seeing that our present reality is different from the root of our fears, is just as essential. Opening ourselves up to the possibilities of life, as you said, is so rewarding!
Thanks again, Michael! Can't wait to engage with your content and the people reading them 🥰
OhMyPunk!!! What I am doing here... Ah! I think I need to share something after this.
Btw, your writting is really good and I am not. But, Welcome to the jungle and I glad to read your article.
Learn in Public why not! Ready to rock!!!
Much appreciated! Writing takes skill (that I'm surprised you think I have lol), but the best part is all skills can be practiced! We CAN do this!
Keep it up!
It takes a lot of courage and vulnerability to learn in public as well, big shoutout to you for jumping in @jlxfd! I'm not sure if you've ever felt the same way, but personally I've always struggled with a fear of being wrong or having someone disagree with me while writing. But in practice I've only found communities like this one to be supportive and offer more insights into what I'm working on!
Thank you so much, Alex! Much appreciated ☺️ I totally agree, just posting this took a lot of courage and support from my circle.
Oh yes, I do! But it's more because of the fear of appearing dumb. I guess the good thing with learning in Public, as Nicole van der Hoeven says, is we're posing as learners not as experts. I'm glad that's how people respond to your content! I hope more and more people get to offer more insights as responses to incorrect/incomplete/both content, to be collaborative than proving someone wrong in a mean manner. 😄
Thank's for sharing this link @jlxfd, this book looks great!
Overthinking is hard to deal with, my heart truly goes out to you.
I was on psychiatric pills for over a decade (starting at around 13 years old), until I met a wonderful person (my wife today), who told me that I should work towards getting off of these pills. Using her unlimited love and care for me, she was brave enough to tell me that I became reliant on them and they changed who I was for the worst.
At first, her comment about my mental health threw me off, I couldn't handle any criticism about my situation. I was afraid of dealing with life without the comfortable numbness, and carelessness the pills offered (my emotions were too much to handle, combined with a rough childhood and no guidance whatsoever, I was in a weird spot).
After almost 2 years of research and study, I understood what these pills did to my brain. It was clear that they could not solve my mental issues, they could just numb me enough so I wouldn't care, and thus postpone the work I had to do on myself.
Long story short, after almost 2 years of preparations, I slowly decreased my dosage, and after another year or so, stopped taking my pills altogether. It was rough, but I made it, and today I am completely drug-free and learning how to deal with life (with a lot of successes and some failures).
I am not, by any chance, telling anyone to immediately drop their pills (that would be a very stupid move). What I am trying to say is that these pills usually don't solve anything, but give you enough room to "handle" life alongside your issues, and the result of that is very negative in the long run.
My applause to you for understanding that you are tired* of being in a situation and it is up to you to change it. Not many people can do that.
I wish you all the best in your coding journey (and in life), and although I still (after years of doing this) haven't found my tech community (besides DEV of course) - I think your decision to join Virtual Coffee is wonderful. They seem like a serious bunch of engineers whose sole purpose is to educate and guide others, which is not something you find every day.
Great first post!
I'm glad you found an alternative way of living that best suits you! You're right, not many people think they have a locus of control that can change their lives. However, I wouldn't have that clarity without the mix of support that I had--chemically or socially. My guess is we wouldn't have been able to survive until now so we can finally live. I'm glad we did though! Just take it day by day. :)
Thank you so much for the compliment and all the well wishes, do know that I hope the same for you!
ps from the past two sessions that I attended a virtual coffee, I can tell you, they can also be funny and generally, comforting to be with! I'd suggest you join too! They just have a waitlist but it can take only a week or so :)
Learning in Public means sharing your learning journey with others. It's not just about getting better at something, but also about feeling connected and supported by a community. When you share what you're learning, it helps you overcome feelings of being alone or not good enough. Plus, talking about what you're learning helps you understand it better yourself. It's like telling a story about your journey, which can inspire others and make them feel less alone too. So, Learning in Public is not just about learning; it's about building a supportive community and feeling connected to others.
Definitely! Thank you for pointing that out 😊 community is definitely valuable. I also love that you said it's like telling a story! I personally believe humans are connected by stories, stories that hopefully shape us into better and kinder people. The influence, support, encouragement, and motivation we get from others to continue is priceless 🥰
OOF. This hit me hard. My eyes started watering when I read that part because I often feel like I'm experiencing things by myself and nobody else is going through it. Perhaps I need to remind myself that I'm not that special ( in that way anyway lol)
Learning in public in quite admirable. I have been fighting inconsistency for a while, but combined with ADHD, depression and a fear of failure, the spiral continued for a very long time.
Now that I am currently looking for work as a cybersecurity analyst, I am noticing that I have a knowledge gap that I need to fill especially in regards to coding, which is something that many employers are asking for, even if that's not what a typical analyst does.
I am willing to learn in public with you. That was why I joined this site, but I think I need more of a social interaction where people can react immediately.
😭 definitely didn't expect someone to resonate with what I wrote. It took courage for me but I'm so glad it helped you in some way! Yes, maybe we're not that special lol but maybe that's a good thing? It implies that if we look hard enough, someone will understand and doesn't that sound beautiful? Idk I'm rambling but connectedness gives me so much hope and I know whatever story you share will impact so many other people! Just know that I'm genuinely rooting for you!!!! 🫶🫶🫶
ps if you want immediate reactions, maybe you can also add twitter/mastodon as your learning exhaust! I plan to use it to share short-form content and blog posts for long-form 😊 I'm also there as @web_jlx so feel free to connect!