Pain in the ass

Sooooo... The other day I turned 42 & that was painful. The realization that time is rapidly deteriorating. Then I went to the dentist(I hate the dentist, face it, we all hate the dentist) on my birthday. The next day I went for a follow up colonoscopy, had one years ago & they found a polyp but it wasn't malignant so this was just a follow up. No issues this time either.
All of these things were a pain in the ass, figuratively and literally but none of it was as painful as trying to teach myself Javascript. I've got tons and tons of resources but they're each pulling my brain in a different direction. Udemy courses are good but I'll never learn from watching/listening. I think these would be better to enhance once I've already learned at least the basics. @freecodecamp is a wo derful resource but it's only testing what I know, it doesn't seem to adhere the info to my memory. Then there's countless apps on my phone I use but it's the same issue and the content never changes so I just end up memorizing their questions and not the actual information I need to apply in the real world.
I think it's time for me to finally just build an app, steel my nerves and fight with it until I've beaten into submission to a working state. It's such a humbling experience to be at this stage of my life to not know something, the feeling of defeat.