Six months ago I relocated to another country for a job opportunity. Think about what that means. Understand why this is worth celebrating.
In my last 1:1 with my manager, she mentioned that my probationary period is ending soon. At my workplace, all new employees have a 6 months probationary period, which is defined as the time where it is easier to get laid off or leave.
So, she told me that this period is coming to an end, but I shouldn’t expect anything special. If there was any problem — it would’ve been mentioned, but everything is good — so no mentioning.
This is my father’s method as well. Every time I send him a blog-post draft or practice a presentation in front of him— I get only notes for improvement. “Was there **anything* you thought was good??”* I usually ask, a bit offended. “Yes, of course, otherwise my list would’ve been longer”, he usually responds.
So I want to try a different approach. Maybe it is the gratefulness I started practicing, but I want to be aware of positive occasions, even if they just went as planned. I want to celebrate my 6 months mark! And this is what I want to tell you about them.
Initial shock
I arrived to Ireland 10 days before my first day at work, in order to give myself some time to settle in: Find my way to work, open a bank account, buy food (where do I buy food?), register for a gym... Grownups stuff.
You will often hear relocators emphasize the importance of finding a frame to meet people outside work, so the workplace won’t be all you have. I was a gym rat prior to moving, so this advice was easy to perform.
A few days in, I remember myself standing in the lockers room, after a gym session, with tears in my eyes. For some reason, making friends in this gym didn’t go as smoothly as it did in my previous one. More than that, I didn’t have any friends to visit after I finish, as I would often do. I wondered why I did it to myself. I really loved my previous life, so why did I come here to start from scratch?
I know I shouldn’t have compared old life to new life. To be honest, I’ve spent too much time searching for duplicates of my beloved Israeli items. Surprisingly, it was a horoscope forecast in a newspaper that put me in place. It was literally saying “stop looking for things you used to love”. I know, I know, the horoscope forecast is not a very reliable source of information, but I needed something to hold on to in this huge unknown. Can you blame me?
So they don’t have good cottage cheese here nor my favorite sports clothes brand, but they have delicious gluten-free cookies, and shipping from Amazon-UK couldn’t be faster. It just emphasizes that things are going to be different, for the good and for the bad.
When everything is new and exciting it feels like a trip, a temporary adventure. A moment of epiphany was on the first time I went to see a movie. I remember myself sitting in the dark theater, a few scenes in, no subtitles, and then it hit me: Going to a movie theater — that is not something you do on vacation. That is what you do at home. This is home now.
Work
Starting a new job has its challenges even when it is in your native language, so I won’t get into that. Telling you that I struggled to remember all the colleagues’ names in my first week or that it took me months to feel that I am getting along with my tasks wouldn’t surprise anyone. Regarding the English language, I knew mine was good. I was even told so in my interviews! So why was I struggling?
The first obstacle was receiving information. Dublin is known for its diversity, which is wonderful! But it also means several variations on the pronunciation of the same words. The American accent I got used to, through TV shows and YouTube videos, was rare. I made it even worst by thinking it’s rude to admit I didn’t understand what I was told during a conversation.
A bigger problem, one which I was surprised to discover, was that receiving information in English 24/7 is exhausting! It felt like it requires twice the energy and focus of regular listening, and who knew listening even requires energy?
Speaking was a barrier as well. I remember my exhaustion when I just started working on my English with a language exchange partner, a few months prior to traveling. Half an hour of conversations in English was draining, so imagine my struggle with 10 daily hours. Another thing that frustrated me at the beginning was my fluency. Finding the words I needed took time! And even that only if I was lucky enough to detect them at all.
We are under the work section, so I assume you expect hearing details about that as well. I will not give information about my daily work nor my workplace, and I respect my colleagues’ privacy. I will share with you that I came with high expectations, and the reality managed to top that.
Friendships
In one of many conversations about my relocation, I was asked “Weren’t you afraid to be lonely?”. Before relocating I had many fears, but this one wasn’t on the list. I am not a shy person, and my strength is in my social skills.
It all started great — all my new colleagues are super nice, and we would go out after work almost daily. Alcohol connects colleagues and gym classes connect gym buddies. In the gym I started recognizing faces, got smiles when I entered the room, I even found a friend in every class I went to — I was doing great, just like I assumed it would.
But then Corona-virus arrived. No office, no gym, no restaurants, no pubs. It took me two months to figure out my routine and now I need to recalculate everything again. The one thing I wasn’t afraid of — happened. The one thing I was supposed to excel in — I failed.
The friendships I started weren’t strong enough to survive the quarantine. They weren’t on the stage where you can give a call, and even if you do, what can you talk about? Nothing new happened. You are just at home all day, every day, what day it is today anyway?
So that was surprising and undermining, but not because I was lonely. The connections that were strong enough to survive got even stronger. Same effect for the friendships I had at home. Apparently it is possible to talk daily even when there is nothing new to share. I was also surprised to discover that although I fantasized for years to do homecations, where I can stay home in my pajamas for days, I need to see people.
Before coming here, as part of my worrying, I “interviewed” some relocators, and heard the same benefit — “In relocation, you can start over, bring a different version of yourself”. I remember myself thinking “It’s interesting, but I won’t use it”. I don’t need a new version of myself, I kinda like the current one.
Later I learned that a different version will come, whether I want it or not. I still don’t know why, when far from home, the hard gets harder. Work is work, a house is four walls- what does it matter where these four walls are located? But it does. I thought that at age 26 I’m kind of ‘baked’ already, know who I am, what I like, what I am able to do. So I thought.
Future plans
If I am not mistaken, speeches usually end with wishes for the future. After discovering that this is home now, I should start treating it accordingly. It is time to know the names of the streets, not just the one I’m living at, and it is time to walk around without being so dependent on google maps.
Now that I discovered all the essential stuff I need, it’s time to explore. I am aware of the need to find dishes that look the most familiar in the menu, ones I am sure I am going to like, but now I’m excited about discovering new ones.
Above you can see a picture I took not long ago. I’ve never seen a swan in real life before, especially not this close. As part of my exploration, I started visiting the parks near my home and now I see swans at least once a week. I love this picture, mainly because it is a representation of things I experience here and weren’t part of the plan, but I’m glad they happened.
To Conclude
I vividly remember myself three months prior to relocating, laying on a bed in a hotel room, talking with my parents on Skype. I was telling them about my experience in the on-site interviews I had that day. This was the first time that I came back from an interview and they weren’t there to welcome me. I was exhausted and a bit blue. I remember thinking to myself that this opportunity looks amazing, but I will not stand this remote communication and will never give up on a loving parental hug.
I am still surprised I actually got on that plane with that one-way-ticket. Before arriving here it was so easy to promise my friends that this would be temporary. I was sure I’m only traveling for a job. I didn’t know how much I am going to learn about the world and about myself. Six months in and I can assure you — I love my parents more than anything, I am fully aware of the power of their hugs — and it is absolutely worth it.
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I hope you enjoyed reading this article and found it useful. I would love to hear your thoughts, here in the comments or in a private message:
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