Need a Good Laugh? Tell Us Your Favorite Coder Jokes.

A QA engineer walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders 0 beers. Orders 99999999999 beers. Orders a lizard. Orders -1 beers. Orders a ueicbksjdhd.

First real customer walks in and asks where the bathroom is. The bar bursts into flames, killing everyone.

Source: mobile.twitter.com/brenankeller/st...

• and parallel task programming

The two most difficult things in computing are

• naming

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 equals Dec 25.

That's a great question, and after reading it, I totally needed to write down my own collection of programming wisdom.

“The three chief virtues of a programmer are: Laziness, Impatience and Hubris” ― Larry Wall,

There are only two really difficult things in programming: cache invalidation, naming things and off by one errors.

UNIX is sexy: who | grep -i single | date ; cd ~ ; unzip ; touch ; strip ; finger ; mount ; gasp ; yes ; uptime ; unmount ; sleep

Some people, when confronted with a problem, think "I know, I'll use regular expressions." Now they have two problems.

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.  We don’t believe this to be a coincidence.”

Even more at ➡ jmfayard.dev/programming-quotes/

Why did the programmer quit his job? He didn't get arrays.

Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.

Why did the database administrator leave his wife? He found out she was normalizing their relationship.

A programmer was smoking.
A girl came to him and said. "Do not smoke. Don't you see this? It says - Warning! Smoking kills"
A programmer replied. "We don't care about warning. we are only interested in errors"

My two favourite computing jokes are quite old.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's a hardware fault.

There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't .

An SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. It walks up to them and asks: 'Can I join you?'

I first heard this one some 25 years ago. Authorship is perhaps impossible to establish. This is a definition of folklore!

0xA programmers

0xA young programmers began to work online,
One didn't pay for Internet, and then there were 9.

9 young programmers used copies that they made,
But one was caught by FBI, and then there were 8.

8 young programmers discussed about heaven,
One said "It's Windows 95!", and then there were 7.

7 young programmers found bugs they want to fix,
But one was fixed by the bug, and then there were 6.

6 young programmers were testing the hard drive,
One got the string "Format complete", and then there were 5.

5 young programmers were running the FrontDoor,
The BBS of one was hacked, and then there were 4.

4 young programmers worked using only C,
One said some good about Pascal, and then there were 3.

3 young programmers didn't know what to do,
One tried to call the on-line help, and then there were 2.

2 young programmers were testing what they done,
One got a virus in his brain, and then there was 1.

1 young programmer was mighty as a hero,
But tried to speak with user, and then there were 0.

Boss cried:"Oh, where is the program we must have?!"
And fired one programmer, and then there were 0xFF.

PHP.

That's the joke!